How To Fall Asleep During Fireworks

Follow these 12 easy steps to a peaceful slumber during the loudest celebration of the year! 

1. Wake up at the butt crack of dawn, yelling for daddy (who isn't even home).
2. Crawl into mama's bed...tossing, turning, and giggling...just to make sure she's REALLY awake!
3. PLAY HARD (run around in nursery, run around outside, run around the house)!
4. Eat some sugar!
5. Fall asleep JUST long enough for mama to eat some lunch and then wake up screaming (about 45 minutes is PERFECT)!
6. Ask for daddy for two hours.  Whine like crazy until you get what you want.
7. Head to your SECOND BBQ and run around some more.
8. Ask to go "nigh-nigh" until your parents take you home and then giggle in your crib until they give up and let you watch cartoons.
9. Go to ANOTHER BBQ and run around some MORE!
10. Get all ready for bed (PJs and all) and head to the city's firework show.
11. Share your fruitsnacks with other kids (only because mama makes you...but its okay, you don't really want sugar this far past bedtime anyway) and make sure to whine about it.
12. Wait for the show to start, cry just a little to get that pent up energy out...

....aaaaannnnnddddd CRASH.

See???  It works!!!

Simple and effective - this won't let you down!  Money back guarantee!!!

Yours Truly,

Monkey