Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Paper Pregnancy

Something is going on in my little girl's world right now.  I don't know what, or if I will ever find out...but I know that God has knit our hearts together, even now.

After 15 months of being paper pregnant, I'm officially convinced that I am more hormonal now than during my pregnancy with Lil Man.

This weekend I have been a mess.  Emotionally, there is pure excitement going on in my heart...but my body and my heart seem a little disconnected at the moment.  I can count four separate times during this past weekend that I have burst into tears for no apparent reason.  SERIOUSLY.

The first time it happened was shortly after my niece's first birthday party (13th).  I remember sitting and watching her open her gifts and eat her cake with a huge smile!  It was such a beautiful celebration!  Afterwards, I was sitting with my mom and my sisters and my nieces.  ALL the boys had moved downstairs to watch sports and we were enjoying some girl conversation for a change (the boys just SLIGHTLY outnumber the girls in our family)!  I smiled to myself picturing our little sweetie there.  The party was over...we were all getting ready to go look at my brother's house that is being built....my mom asked me a question...and I burst into tears!  I don't know where it came from, I wasn't feeling all that emotional...but it was like this BOMB went off as water came spewing from my eyes!  Fortunately my mom is a cryer and she understands!  =)

The second time was the following day at church (14th).  Some girls were doing a lyrical dance to "How great is our God" prior to the sermon and I was sitting there watching and POOF!!!  Tears STREAMING down my face!  This was the UGLY cry people!  No tissue either!  Just an eye-rolling husband and a giggling mom on either side of me.  After I stopped the flood, I headed to the bathroom to gather some tissue for the next explosion...

The third time was on the way to take our car to the shop (15th).  I was literally MID-conversation about THE CAR when it happened AGAIN!!!  This time there was no eye-rolling, but pure concern coming from my husband!  What on earth has gotten into his wife?!?

The fourth time was AT the repair shop (15th).  NO idea...

WIERD, huh?  On top of that....Saturday night/Sunday morning my mom and I BOTH had a dream about Lil Miss!  My mom dreamed that it was our referral day and woke up just plain GIDDY.  I dreamed that I was holding her and looking into her wide eyes (and she had looong lashes) and kissing that huge grin =)  Then I set her down and she started crawling.  Someone else picked her up and she cried and reached for her mama again and I was thinking how great she was attaching to me. 

I mean...there's just GOT to be something going on, right?!?  I'm ready.
Photobucket

12 comments:

Jenny said...

oh i'm ready for you! i'm glad to know i'm not the only weird crier out there :-)

babysteps 2 where we want 2 be said...

so im not crazy? we have not "officially" started the adoption process, because we are building a house and trying to see if its even realistic before we close (long story) needless to say we are going to be beginning the paper chase soon (ish) we would have already started if it were up to me. for the last few months i have not been able to sleep... hours on end awake in the middle of the night spurred on to pray and sometimes for hours. then nov 7th i had a dream that was so vivid that i could see her face on our gotcha day. then on nov 14th as i was washing dishes with nothing really on my mind i just burst into tears. ahh this is only the beginning of a really long wait. i think i need to buy stock in klenex.

erica said...

I think you're right about something going on in your little girl's life. It reminds me of the time my sister was in the process of adopting. Her husband was very sick, and several of the people in my family decided to fast and pray for several days. I prayed over and over for her family, her husband's health, and their adoption during those few days. Later we found out that it was during that exact same time that their little boy was relinquished by his mother and was making the long journey to Hannah's Hope. God is orchestrating everything, and I think that one day (even if it's not in this life) you will find out exactly why you've been feeling this way.

Whoa, I got a little windy there. But I'm so hoping that you get the call about your little girl soon! And what a sweet dream you had about her!

Amy said...

You are definitely getting close! Once we reached the top 10 I was a total mess. Unfortunately it does not get any easier as you inch closer and closer to referral day. It was so hard to wait in the top 10.

Hang in there though, because it will all be worth it very very soon!

Brandon and Kari + 1 said...

Praying for you Megan...I know how you feel :)

nikiJ7 said...

I totally agree. I had those too. A friend at work asked me how the adoption is going (no different that the other 20ish times I get asked in a work day). I burst into tears and she promised never to ask me again. Its so random and unpredictible.

"Are These Kids All Yours?" said...

I have often dreamed about future children....and as far as emotion overload- A HUGE YES!!!!!!!

Praying you will see her soon :)

Alison said...

Oh, you have got to be getting so close!! I am so emotional too...I cannot even imagine how I'll be when we get as close as ya'll are!! :)

Skellyvision said...

Sending hugs Meg sounds like you've had a draining few days hoping you get some exciting news soon! xx

Laura said...

Sorry we missed the waterworks :) Hope we didn't cause any of them...it will be interesting to see what her life was like in these weeks leading up to her being placed in your arms...praying it's a smooth journey she is on....

Joy for the Seasons said...

I have had moments like that twice in our wait. The first lasted a few days and was quite intense. I am keeping the dates in the back of my mind. I would love to see if they correlate with anything going on with our baby-to-be at that time.

Alison said...

Just ordered the OH tumbler/Just Love coffee set to help ya'll bring your sweet baby girl home!! :)