It IS really hard to watch friends who got pregnant AFTER we announced our adoption come home with their little bundles of joy while my arms are still empty. It doesn't mean that I'm not overflowing with joy for them...but there's still that ache in my heart. When will it be MY turn? How long do I have to wait?
It's a feeling that's all too familiar, really. Before conceiving our Lil Monkey, we had the misfortune of going through a miscarriage. After mourning our loss, we then found it difficult to get pregnant again. In the meantime, ten friends (count them - TEN) at church got pregnant (seriously, this was between our miscarriage and Monkey's pregnancy). It was beyond agonizing for me at that time. I didn't know it was possible to feel such a mixture of pain and joy. I was so excited for each and every family, but as I tried to celebrate their news (while trying to keep our miscarriage a secret, something I would NOT do again) my heart was hurting.
Of course, the ache in my heart is different this time - I'm not mourning the loss of a child, and what it could have been. This time my heart is aching because I miss my child, and we're a world apart! How is it possible to miss a child you've never met? I wouldn't have thought it was...until now.