It's a feeling that's all too familiar, really. Before conceiving our Lil Monkey, we had the misfortune of going through a miscarriage. After mourning our loss, we then found it difficult to get pregnant again. In the meantime, ten friends (count them - TEN) at church got pregnant (seriously, this was between our miscarriage and Monkey's pregnancy). It was beyond agonizing for me at that time. I didn't know it was possible to feel such a mixture of pain and joy. I was so excited for each and every family, but as I tried to celebrate their news (while trying to keep our miscarriage a secret, something I would NOT do again) my heart was hurting.
Of course, the ache in my heart is different this time - I'm not mourning the loss of a child, and what it could have been. This time my heart is aching because I miss my child, and we're a world apart! How is it possible to miss a child you've never met? I wouldn't have thought it was...until now.
9 comments:
i TOTALLY get the "when will it by my turn" feeling!
I feel ya. Baby showers are hard too. Why is this month and this weekend so much harder for me all of a sudden. Maybe because I soo want to be in the teens and it is feeling closer to Christmas, but I still feel so out of reach from knowing ANYTHING. Lately I have been trying to shake this sad feeling, waiting is not easy. Really Praying to be at least number 19 with K calls.
It is a very real thing to miss your child.....very real.
I know how hard it is. Especially as those wait times keep going up. When we started there were only 11 people on the wait list for a boy and they told us that we should expect to wait 1-4 months for a referral. By the time we were on the list we were #21 and I was upset, but looking at how long the wait times are now, I feel fortunate. We ended up waiting 6 months and I had lost it.
I just can't imagine how hard it has to be waiting now. Especially now being pregnant, and having a due date - seriously pregnancy is so much easier (even with feeling sick all the time) than adoption.
Hang in there, I know it is so hard for all of you waiting right now.
Yes, great minds think alike (the WHITE end table). And I can't imagine what it must be like to wait and wait and wait for you lil' one. But I also can't imagine what it will feel like once she's finally in your arms. What a happy day that will be!
Oh my goodness Megan...I was just thinking about this as my next post before I ever read yours...I am so with you on this one. I am more than happy for everyone expectng a precious bundle of joy b/c that is in God's plan for them but wondering when it will ever be our turn. A lot of our friends are now even on their second..WOW!! Wait for us :) Prayers & keep smiling!! We are daily!! Because soon we will both meet our newest additions - then we have to get together & celebrate together!!
A big hug from your mom. I love you..
"and I will move ahead, bold and confident, taking every step in obedience...while I'm waiting, I will serve you while I'm waiting...I will will worship while I'm waiting...I will not faint, I will be running the race...even while I wait."
Megan...thanks for the advice on my blog...that is too funny that is the bouncer that I actually already picked up...thanks!! Great minds think alike -again :)
Megan...thanks for the advice on my blog...that is too funny that is the bouncer that I actually already picked up...thanks!! Great minds think alike -again :)
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