Sunday, October 17, 2010

Monotonous

Sometimes I get so tired of my routine, of my daily grind.  It can be so monotonous.  It's not that I don't enjoy being with my son.  Even when he's whining or yelling "no" repeatedly at me or clinging to me for some constant entertainment, I can't stop feeling thankful for his presence in my life. 

I feel the same way about my husband.  Sometimes I yell at him and complain and go to mope in a corner only to imagine my life without him and I can't help but go crawling back.  My boys bring so much joy to my life...sometimes I feel like they are my glue that holds me together.

I remember all too well the heartbreak when the doctor broke the news of my miscarriage.  I know that's nothing like the feeling mothers go through when they lose a child who they have held in their arms, kissed their face, and sang them lullabies.  But its close enough that I feel its had a permanent impact on my life.

I have no idea what its like to lose your husband, only to be left with that lonely ache inside and needing to parent your children on your own...or left alone in a big empty house.  But I do know what its like to see your husband rolled away on a stretcher not knowing how serious his condition is.  I have no idea what its like to have your husband, whom you love dearly, ask for a divorce and go through custody battles for your children.  But I do know what it's like to have your husband gone for days (and sometimes weeks) at a time, and being left to do it ALL by yourself.

I have a lot of empathy for women who have had that kind of loss.  I've had enough of a taste of it to pray I never experience it first hand.

I think its so easy to complain about the situation I am in sometimes, whatever it may be in that moment.  But thank you LORD that you gave me the life you did!  Thank you for my supportive and hard-working husband.  Thank you for my adorable and affection son.  Thank you for a loving and devoted family.  And thank you for incredible friends.  Even in the struggles of my day-to-day grind, I don't think I'd have it any other way!

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2 comments:

Jenny said...

gotta love amazing hubbies! thank you for reminding me to be thankful for all i have! it's so easy for me to focus on NOT having our kiddo yet and forget of what a blessing i have in Matt!

Darcee said...

Amen sistah! Thanks for the reminders! ♥