Lead Me To The Cross

It was my sin that nailed Him there.

He freely chose to give His life out of love for mine.

And yours.

Whether you are a believer or not...

Whether you cry out His name or mock Him out loud...

He loves you.

He loved you before you ever existed.

He loved you enough to DIE for you.

Whether you choose to have a relationship with Him or not.

His love is unfailing.  Never ceasing.

Amazing love.

Have a blessed Good Friday.

My Days Lately...

A lot of my posts over the last little bit have touched on fashion, on our family vacations, on special events, and home decor.  The day to day in our household looks a little different.  The hair is disheveled.  We don't always get out of pajamas.  There are piles of laundry and dishes in the sink.  There are projects, construction crews, pesk control, and "To-Do" lists everywhere you turn.  There are blanket forts and crumbs on the floor and so much screaming I get a headache.

But I wouldn't trade it for the world!  The day to day stuff is where the memories are made!  Where bedrooms transform into the great outdoors.  Where you can camp under the stars and roast the perfect marshmallow over the fire (and it never burns!).

Where little girls can dress up as a fairy, or a princess and feed her baby the ideal combination of smushed bananas and apple juice before playing her a lullaby on her piano and shushing her to sleep.

Where toddler crafts are a blast, but so messy it gives mama a panic attack.

Where we relive every real-life moment or dream in the form of Mega-Blocks.

Yes, I wish there was a little less fighting on their part and a little more patience on mine.  I wish I was more organized and planned out my day better.  I wish there was never a night that they didn't get to kiss their daddy before closing their eyes.  I wish I was a morning person who could have a normal conversation before finishing a cup of coffee (its true - I'm a grump).

Although I am sure there will consistently be a list of improvements I would like to make in myself, I am thankful that God loves me right here where I am.  Messy, unorganized, easily frustrated little old me.  It's hard to grasp that thought sometimes while living in a world that expects me to be super mom.

My devotions this morning literally stopped me in my tracks, being that I was in the midst of writing this post...

"Don't look for affirmation in the wrong places; your own evaluations, or those of other people.  The only real source of real affirmation is My unconditional Love....When I discipline you, it is never in anger or disgust; it is to prepare you for face-to-face fellowship with Me throughout all eternity." 

 - Jesus Calling

"My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline and do not resent his rebuke because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in." 

- Proverbs 3:11-12

Thank you Lord for once again meeting me right where I am.  For speaking the words that I need to hear right now.  And hopefully it encourages each of you to seek affirmation from the Lord today!



{Real life photos brought to you by - the iPhone!!!  Haha...but seriously, please excuse the fuzzy and/or poorly lit photos.  It's reality right now.}

The Armor of God

The adoption process has been described as a roller coaster for many years...before we even thought seriously about the matter!  Although there has been its share of ups and downs throughout our entire adoption journey, the term "roller coaster" has never felt so true as it has in the last six weeks.  I can hardly believe the strain these ups and downs have had on my mental state.  Speaking TRUTH {in form of the Living Word} into my life has never been more essential for my daily state of mind.

If you've been following my blog for some time now, you might remember the emotional #1 post, when my friend Kimberly and her husband took themselves off the girl's list and passed on that top position to us.  You definitely will remember our Referral post when T's little face turned our world upside down {in the best way, of course}! You surely must remember my desperate cries when we begged you to sign the petition after MOWA's big announcement {because I only shared it on FB several times a day to remind you}!  And then the joy I could not hide on the day we got our court date and bought our tickets to Africa!!!

Although the MOWA storm calmed quite some time ago, just two days ago, a newly released update resurfaced our fears.  I tried not to panic and kept myself busy with projects around the house {and if you've been wondering about my silence, I have been purposely separating myself from the computer}.  Then yesterday, there was a conference call with USCIS and the U.S. Department of State to discuss their findings on the Ethiopia program from their January 2011 trip.  Although I was unable to be on the lengthy 3 hour call, my friend Angela took great notes {that I would encourage you to read}.

Despite my feeble attempts to see the bright side in things, I feel weary...numb even.  After all the ups and downs we have experienced over these last weeks, I don't think I have the energy to process any more.  And we're not alone!  Every family adopting from Ethiopia right now, whether through AGCI, Holt, AAI, Gladney, Bethany...or any other agency, is experiencing this together.

When I finished my reading through Ephesians today, this passage spoke to me, and I wanted to share it with each of you.

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.  Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.  For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in your place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.  In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.  Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.  And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.  With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints."  Ephesians 6:10-18

Our adoption is in obedience to a direct calling from our Heavenly Father.  The devil wants nothing to do with God's will.  He does not want the best for us.  He wants us to FAIL.  He wants us to feel defeated.  He speaks lies to us to make us doubt and fear.

Although I do worry about what the future looks like in terms of our wait to bring T home, I refuse to give in to the devil's schemes by feeling fearful and defeated.  I want to put on the armor of God by daily picking up that Bible and speaking TRUTH in to my life.  The truth that God's ways are not my ways, but they are perfect.  The truth that HE loves and and wants what is best for me {and my daughter}.

Hopefully we have just skimmed by before the cutbacks.  AGCI sent us THEIR notes on the conference call as well, and they have been led to believe that if a family already has a court date, then their case was filed with the courts before March 8th, meaning their case would be expedited.  That would include us then!  But even with that glimmer of hope, my heart is heavy knowing that those following could be facing some significant delays.

This hits especially close to home.  The next baby girl referral after our family happened about two weeks after we got our call.  Which would have been our call, if Kimberly hadn't taken herself off the girl's list.  Not only would that have meant two more weeks of waiting...but we would still be waiting for a court date right now and then dealing with the cutbacks on top of it!  I'm a little bit in awe of how God's timing has worked for our family and for our daughter and so THANKFUL.  

Every big milestone in our journey has happened right before a major change.  We were the last family put on the girl's waitlist in the 40's, for example.  If we would have been placed on that list a week later, we would have been in the 50's or higher!  A month after being put on the waitlist, the Ethiopia program changed to the two-trip policy.  And now this.  It BLOWS. MY. MIND.  God is so good to us....and yet it leaves me wondering, why us and not them???  But there is nothing I can do but rest in HIS will and be thankful for His blessings in our life!

I still ask that you keep our May 23rd court date in your prayers, but I also ask that you keep the Ethiopian Adoption community in your prayers.  These are tough times, but God is faithful and will bring us all through.  My prayer is that we will ALL be REFINED IN THE FIRE and able to spark a new generation of adoptive families!

7 Weeks!!!!

And nooo....not 7 weeks along!!!  I know this is April Fool's Day and all....but as much as I love a good joke, this is a completely SERIOUS manner for me:

7 weeks from TODAY my daughter will be 5 months old and we will be meeting her for the first time!!!! =)  I can hardly believe that after 18+ months of dreaming of our daughter, that I am finally saying that!  And no, it doesn't feel real yet.  SHE feels real...but her becoming part of our family still feels like a fantasy.  After all, how can someone "feel real" when you have yet to hear their cry, or kiss their lips, or caress their tiny fingers.  Or even seeing their face IN PERSON with your own two eyes!!!  It reminds me very much of being pregnant...feeling that squirm of a tiny being within you and yet life with a baby still feels unimaginable.  (Except that even with that thought I feel jealous....I would do anything to feel her squirm.)

If you would have told me a year ago I would be waiting this long to hold our daughter at last, I probably would have cried.  And although I've shed many tears for many different reasons...I've learned a new meaning to the phrase "His ways are not my own".  Never has it felt more personal.  Never have I been more thankful for that truth.

Psalm 40:1-5

"I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.  He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.  Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord.  

Blessed is the man who makes the Lord his trust, who does not look to the proud, to those who turn aside to false gods.  

Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done.  The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare."

Power in Prayer

In my Bible readings the last couple days, I feel God pointing me to verses about the power of prayer.

"And their prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make them well.  And anyone who has committed sins will be forgiven." James 5:15

"The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and wonderful results." James 5:16b

"I cried out to the Lord, and He answered me from His holy mountain." Psalm 3:4

"Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord.  Each morning I bring my reuests to you and wait expectantly." Psalm 5:3

"The Lord has heard my plea; the Lord will answer my prayer." Psalm 6:9

Some of you saw my post last week about my conversation with our caseworker.  I asked her for her honesty in regards to the timing of bringing our Lil Miss home.  As any adoptive mother would understand, I don't want to get my hopes up for an unrealistic timeframe and be crushed with disappointment when my "goal" date passes us by and Lil Miss is not yet home.  But even after that honest and heartfelt conversation, I still can't give up that hope that we can have her home by the end of this year.  Yes, its possible...but highly unlikely.  And yet here I sit...hopeful.  I don't know if that is just some desperate part of me holding on to my sanity...or if that's God...but regardless, its there.  When people ask me what our timeline is, I tell them we are expecting a referral in December and home possibly by early Spring...but I REALLY feel in my HEART that it will be earlier.

With all the movement we've had on the list in the last couple weeks (I want to say it was 9 spots in about 3 weeks?!?) it has sparked an excitement on me.  But that being said, we just got word that the courts will be closing for the rainy season and are scheduling court dates now for OCTOBER!  This has taken SUCH a toll on those families who have recently received a referral.  Realistically, without court dates, children won't be moving out of the beds at Hannah's Hope and coming home to their forever families...therefore new beds won't be opening at HH.  Most often, this causes a slow down in referrals during the summer.  And yet here I sit...HOPEFUL!  I seriously don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing.  =)

Ultimately this whole situation is completely out of MY control and in GOD'S hands (thankfully, because He knows whats best for me).  But I have been convicted to pray like I haven't prayed before.  Earnestly.  In faith.  Every day.  Expectantly. 

I am praying that this court process will go unexpectedly quick for ALL families...to the point that we all laugh at our fears and uncertainty about the two-trip process.  I am pleading that referrals do NOT slow down this summer, and in fact that they SPEED UP and God just blows our socks off with His timing.  I am praying that we can be HOME with Lil Miss before the end of the year and be united as a family.  But ULTIMATELY, I am praying for HIS perfect timing and the LORD'S will be done.  And I pray with expectation that the Lord will answer my prayer...whether or not He answers the way I want Him too, I am confident that His perfect timing WILL blow my socks off.  Every piece of this adoption story has so far, and I can't wait to see how it will unfold before our eyes!

1 Peter 3:4

It should be that of your inner self,

the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit,

which is of great worth in God's sight.

1 Peter 3:4

Where He Guides, He Provides

In our family devotion yesterday, that was the one phrase that captured my heart.  Without a doubt, the Lord has called our family to adoption.  Since embarking on this journey, there has never been a moment I have doubted that.  So far the hardest thing about adoption has been surrendering control of the finances.  Plain and simple - we cannot do this without financial support.  I wish we could have had the time and money to save up for this journey before starting it, but when God called us to Ethiopia, He called us NOW. 

Time and time again I have allowed myself to get all worked up about the finances.  And time and time again the Lord has laid on my heart that it is in His hands.  Its so hard to do - I don't think I will ever master it!  But you can see why that one little phrase brought me so much comfort.  And not just in the financial aspect.

Emotionally this has been a roller coaster ride! I'm sure you can imagine the emotions that play into this adventure: anxiety, excitement, agony, joy, hope, love, frustration...just to name a few.  But even at the toughest moments, even when I don't think I could possibly wait the potential year we have left, God gives me (us) the strength to carry on.  So again..."where He guides, He provides". 

For our family (and many others, I'm sure), God isn't just providing the finances (which is an amazing story in itsself), He is providing the strength and endurance we need day to day. 

Thank you Lord for taking care of me and loving me as your own!